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Kids Corner Jokes of the Day

• Who invented King Arthur's round table?
  Sir Cumference!
  - submitted by Wendi in New Hope
• Why was the apple so lonely?
  Because the banana split!
  - submitted by Blake in Haddonfield
• What kind of bird can lift a giant?
  A crane!
  - submitted by Tom in Collegeville
• What did the flower say to the flower beside him?
  Move over, bud!
  - submitted by Rich in Devon
• What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
  Hey, do you smell carrot??
  - submitted by Rebecca in Melrose Park
• When someone claps at the end of a Christmas play, what is it called?
  Santapplause!
  - submitted by Felix in Newark
• What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
  Claustrophobic!
  - submitted by Rachel in Philadelphia
• What do you call Santa when he gets sun burn?
  Crisp Kringle!
  - submitted by Jasper in Richboro
• What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
  You get "Tinsel"-itis!
  - submitted by Deborah in Wilmington
• What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
  Frosted Flakes!
  - submitted by Jack in Gibbstown
• If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
  Pilgrims!
  - submitted by Susan from Horsham
• Why was the Math Book unhappy?
  Because it had too many problems!
  - submitted by Owen in Philadelphia
• What did one wall say to the other wall?
  Meet you at the corner!
  - submitted by Elizabeth in Royersford
• What do frogs like to drink on a hot summer day?
  Croak-o-cola!
  - submitted by Gabby in Narberth
• What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
  Doya-thinky-saurus! (Do you think he saw us)
  - submitted by Chloe in Westtown
• What was the pirate's grade average in school?
  High Seas!
  - submitted by Nathaniel in Ewing
• What do you get from a pampered cow?
  Spoiled milk
  - submitted by Danielle in New Hope
• How do you fix a broken tomato?
  With tomato paste!
  - submitted by Josh in Hatboro
• Can bees fly in the rain?
  Not without their little yellow jackets!
  - submitted by Molly in Collingswood
• What is more amazing than a talking dog?
  A spelling bee!
  - submitted by Bobby in Ewing
• Why did the clock in the school cafeteria run slow?
  Every lunch period it went back for seconds! (4 seconds!)
  - submitted by Terri in Hatboro
• Where does a librarian sleep?
  Between the covers!
  - submitted by Raquel in Gibbsboro
• What grows down when it grows up?
  A goose!
  - submitted by Kurt in Bethlehem
• Why don't skeletons fight each other?
  They don't have the guts!
  - submitted by Johnny in Berksville
• What did the water say to the boat?
  Nothing, it just waved!
  - submitted by Patti in Wilmington
• Why did the computer get glasses?
  To improve its web sight!
  - submitted by Jackson in New Cumberland
• What stays in the corner yet travels all over the world?
  A postage stamp!
  - submitted by Debbie in Somerton
• Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
  Because it was a dirty double-crosser!
  - submitted by Peter in Trenton
• What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
  Transparents!
  - submitted by Noelle in Philadelphia
• What do you call a boomarang that does not come back?
  A stick!
  - submitted by Gabbie in Feltonville
• What is lighter than a feather yet harder to hold?
  Your breath!
  - submitted by Karen in Collingswood
• When do astronauts eat?
  At launchtime!
  - submitted by Travis in Bensalem
• What was Camelot famous for?
  It's knight life!
  - submitted by Pete in Gettysburg
• What do sea monsters eat?
  Ships and dip!
  - submitted by Joan in Brownsville
• Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
  At the bottom!
  - submitted by James in Downingtown
• Why did King Arthur have a round table?
  So no one could corner him!
  - submitted by Beatrice in Trevose
• Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
  Because he wanted to Mark Antony!
  - submitted by Isaac in New Hope
• One night a king and his joker went sailing on a boat. The sea was rocky and the king and his joker fell overboard. Who was left?
  The (k)night!
  - submitted by Lindsey in Wyndmoor
• Why did the tomato turn red?
  It saw the salad dressing!
  - submitted by Kimberly in Gibbsboro
• Where do polar bears vote?
  The North Poll!
  - submitted by Curtis in Bala Cynwyd
• What did the penny say to the other penny?
  We make perfect cents.
  - submitted by Alex in Jenkintown
• How do you catch a squirrel?
  Climb into a tree and act like a nut!
  - submitted by Michela in Wynnwood
• Why did the banana go to the doctor?
  It wasn't peeling very well!
  - submitted by Dennis in Cherry Hill
• Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?
  incorrectly!
  - submitted by Dennis in Bensalem
• Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
  Because the captain was standing on the deck.
  - submitted by Krystal in Philadelphia
• What's the difference between a miser and his pet canary?
  One's a little cheap, but the other's a little cheeper!
  - submitted by Eric in Barto
• What's full of holes but still holds water?
  A sponge!
  - submitted by Kristen in Wallingford
• Where should you never take a dog?
  To a flea market!
  - submitted by Aiden in Princeton Junction
• Why didn't the hotdog star in the movies?
  Because the rolls weren't good enough!
  - submitted by Andy in Gibbsboro
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?
  Great food, but no atmosphere!
  - submitted by Jackson in Philadelphia
• What did the thief get when he stole a calendar?
  Twelve Months!
  - submitted by Yvette in Harrisburg
• What washes up on very small beaches?
  Microwaves!
  - submitted by Erica in Horsham
• What do you always get on your birthday?
  Another year older!
  - submitted by Kurt in Wilmington
• Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table?
  She was on a crash diet!
  - submitted by Debbie in New Hope
• Why was the belt arrested?
  For holding up the pants!
  - submitted by Michelle in Barto
• Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?
  Because they are always stuffed!
  - submitted by Eric in Kutztown
• What did the computer order at the restaurant?
  a byte to eat!
  - submitted by Hogan in Trenton
• What do corn wear to bed ?
  Silk!
  - submitted by Gavin in Flemington
• How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
  You wake up all wet!
  - submitted by Kate in York
• What did Frankenstein say when his dog ran away?
  Dog Gone!
  - submitted by Michael in Terre Hill, Pa
• Why do dragons sleep all day?
  Because they like to hunt knights!
  - submitted by Marilyn in Philadelphia
• What gets wet while drying?
  A towel!
  - submitted by Frances in Wilmington
• What has forty feet and sings?
  The school choir!
  - submitted by Gabby in Hamilton
• What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
  The shadow of an elephant!
  - submitted by Joe in Philadelphia
• What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
  Square Meals!
  - submitted by Travis in Hatboro
• What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
  Swimming Trunks!
  - submitted by Chloe in Utah
• What does a cat on a beach have in common with Christmas?
  They both have Sandy Claws!!
  - submitted by Jackson in Harrisburg
• Where do Snowmen go to dance?
  To Snow Balls!
  - submitted by Nancy in Stradford
• Why is slippery ice like music?
  If you don't C Sharp, you'll B Flat!
  - submitted by Travis in Hershey
• Where does a snowman keep his money?
  In a snow bank!
  - submitted by Jackson in York
• What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of ocean explorers?
  Leeks!
  - submitted by Billy in Cherry Hill
• What do snowmen wear on their heads?
  Ice Caps!
  - submitted by Gwen in Philadelphia
• What starts with e and end with e but only has one letter in it?
  an ENVELOPE!
  - submitted by Charlotte in Lawrenceville
• When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
  In the dictionary!
  - submitted by Carissa in Lititz
• Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
  To get to the second-hand store!
  - submitted by Alanya in Monkliegh
• What do skeletons say before a meal?
  Bone appetite!
  - submitted by Noah in Monmouth Junction
• What kind of bed is only good for three seasons?
  One with no springs!
  - submitted by Chloe in Carlisle
• Why did the lady put lipstick on her forehead?
  To make-up her mind!
  - submitted by Laura in Horsham
• Where do horses live?
  In neigh-borhoods!
  - submitted by Jeffafa in Drexel Hill
• What do birds give out on Halloween?
  Tweets!
  - submitted by Louise in Strafford
• Where do you bring a mouse that lost its tail?
  To a re-tail store!
  - submitted by Matthew in Media
• What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
  Ba-Na-Na-Na!
  - submitted by Jack in Media
• What is a ghost's favorite dessert?
  boo-berry pie with i-scream!
  - submitted by Tori in East Petersburg
• Why do melons always have big weddings?
  Because they cantaloupe!
  - submitted by Amelia in Glenolden
• What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
  He is mist!
  - submitted by Joel in Hatboro
• What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
  NECKtarines!
  - submitted by Kendra in New Hope
• What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?
  Wrap Music!
  - submitted by Rebecca in Philadelphia
• What country is always cold?
  Chile!
  - submitted by Lauryn in Mt. Laurel
• Where do you find a giant snail?
  At the end of a giant's finger!
  - submitted by Robby in Berwyn
• What is white when it is dirty?
  A Chalkboard!
  - submitted by Makenah in Hershey
• If you threw a green shoe into the Red Sea, what would it become?
  Wet!
  - submitted by Candi in Swarthmore
• Why is a baseball game like a pancake?
  Because they both depend on the batter.
  - submitted by Jeremy in Quakertown
• Why would Snow White make a great judge?
  Because she is the fairest of them all.
  - submitted by Isaac in New Hope
• What did the postcard say to the stamp?
  Stick with me kid, and we'll go places.
  - submitted by Elisa in Wyncote
• Two atoms were sitting in a restaurant.
  When they left, the first said
  "Wait, I have to go back! I left an electron behind!"
  "Are you sure?" asked the other.
  "Yes" said the first atom, "I'm positive!"
  - submitted by Kenny in Bensalem
• Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
  So he could be polyunsaturated!
  - submitted by James in Dover
• Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race?
  It ended in a tie!
  - submitted by Patricia in Haddon Heights
• Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race?
  It ended in a tie!
  - submitted by Patricia in Haddon Heights
• What type of nails do carpenters hate to hit?
  Fingernails!
  - submitted by Yoni in Cherry Hill
• What would you call a sleeping bull?
  A bulldozer!
  - submitted by Jonathan in Richboro
• Why did the baker stop making donuts?
  He got sick of the hole business!
  - submitted by Denise in Philadelphia
• Here's a scientific joke: What do you do with dead elements?
  Barium!
  - submitted by Claire in York
• Why did the chicken cross the playground?
  To get to the other slide!
  - submitted by Valerie in Harrisburg
• What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?
  Pi !
  - submitted by Evan in Glenside
• Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?
  Because they're always spotted!
  - submitted by Cathy in Jenkintown
• What is a tortilla chip's favorite dance?
  The salsa!
  - submitted by Adam in Hamilton
• What has ten letters and starts with gas?
  An automobile.
  - submitted by Dennis in Trenton
• What did Zero say to Eight?
  Hey, nice belt!
  - submitted by Christopher in Yardley
• How do you make goldfish age?
  Remove the letter G!
  - submitted by Randall in Philadelphia
• What did the bee say to the flower?
  Hi Honey!
  - submitted by Evan in Wilmington
• Where do very smart hot dogs end up?
  ...on Honor Rolls!
  - submitted by Joanna in Harrisburg
• What do you call a cow with a twitch?
  Beef Jerky!
  - submitted by Salvatore in Ewing
• Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
  Because there were so many knights!
  - submitted by Rebecca in Pottstown
• Who is the God of jewelry?
  Why the Lord of the Rings, of course!
  - submitted by Julia in Bryn Mawr
• Why do golfers carry 2 pairs of socks?
  In case they get a hole in one!
  - submitted by Lily in Philadelphia
• Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
  Because he didn't have the guts!
  - submitted by Justin in Yardley
• Where do wolves stay when on vacation?
  At The Howl-A-Day Inn!
  - submitted by Jonah in Wynnwood
• What does a French cow say?
  Moo-La-La!
  - submitted by Reuben in Hockessin
• What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
  Big giant holes all over Australia!
  - submitted by Hannah in Doylestown
• Why did the coward become a mathematician?
  Because he heard there was safety in numbers!
  - submitted by Jeremy in Brooklyn
• What do you call a flying skunk?
  A smellacopter!
  - submitted by John in Newark
• Who did the prune take to the dance?
  A date!
  - submitted by Julia in Bryn Mawr
• What goes "ha-ha-ha-clunk"?
  People laughing their heads off!
  - submitted by Janice in Phoenixville
• What do bananas do in the gym?
  They do banana splits!
  - submitted by Hannah in Wynnwood
• Where does the baseball player keep his lemonade?
  In the Pitcher!
  - submitted by Sean in Glenside
• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
  Frostbite!
  - submitted by Ian in Talleyville
• What color is a burp?
  Burple, of course!
  - submitted by Andrew in Doylestown
• Why do mother dalmations always find their pups?
  Because they're already spotted!
  - submitted by Julianna in Langhorne
• What do you get when you cross a pirate with an ice cube?
  A Shiver-Me-Timbers!
  - submitted by Maura in Lawrence
• Why was the computer mouse in trouble?
  Because its a cursor!
  - submitted by CJ in Lansdowne
• Why did the gym get hot once the game ended?
  Because all the fans left!
  - submitted by Bri in Haddonfield
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
  An Elevader!
  - submitted by Sage in Pennsauken
• What type of dog can answer the phone for you?
  A Golden Receiver!
  - submitted by Rachel in Garnet Valley
• What would happen if a piano fell on you?
  You would be flat!
  - submitted by Mylea in York
• Why can't a human nose be twelve inches long?
  Because then it would be a foot!
  - submitted by Billy in Wilmington
• What kind of bugs do secret agents like?
  Spy-ders!
  - submitted by Josh in Yardley
• What word is always spelled incorrectly?
  Incorrectly!
  - submitted by Robin in Havertown
• What do grapes do when you give them a squeeze?
  They give a little whine!
  - submitted by Julia in Eagleville
• Why should you put band-aids in the fridge?
  For cold cuts!
  - submitted by Jamie in Mt. Airy
• What happened to the plant in math class?
  It grew square roots!
  - submitted by Alan in Gibbsboro
• What did the big flower say to the little flower?
  Hey Bud! How ya doin'?
  - submitted by Kimberly in Narberth
• Why is Alabama the smartest state in the United States?
  Because it has four As and one B!
  - submitted by Rachel in Conshohoken
• What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
  Thunderwear!
  - submitted by Hannah Mae in Coatesville
• How do you know when a clock gets hungry?
  It goes back four seconds!
  - submitted by Franklin in Philadelphia
• Which food is essential to good music?
  The beet!
  - submitted by Travis in Wilmington
• Why did the germ cross the microscope?
  To get to the other slide!
  - submitted by Timmy in Elkins Park
• What time is it when an elephant sits on your chair?
  Time to get a new chair!
  - submitted by Annika in Wyndmoor
• What goes "Ha, Ha, Ha... clunk"
  People laughing their heads off!
  - submitted by Isaae in Philadelphia
• What songs do planets sing?
  Neptunes!
  - submitted by Jamie in Elkins Park
• What type of music do balloons hate?
  POP Music!
  - submitted by Michaela in Newtown Square
• What has three feet but can't walk?
  A Yardstick!
  - submitted by Leslie in Baltimore
• How do scientists freshen their breath?
  With experi-mints!
  - submitted by John in Lancaster
• What's a pirate's favorite restaurant?
  Arrrr-by's!
  - submitted by Hanna in Collingswood
• What did one pencil say to the other pencil?
  My, you're looking sharp!
  - submitted by Trevor in Glenside
• Why did the chicken cross the playground?
  To get to the other slide!!
  - submitted by Louise in Wayne
• How can you tell if a tree is a Dogwood Tree?
  By its bark!
  - submitted by Joel in Philadelphia
• When is the Moon its heaviest?
  When it's full!
  - submitted by Brittney in Holland
• What do you call an underwater spy?
  Pond. James Pond.
  - submitted by Karen in Lancaster
• What kind of star is dangerous?
  A shooting star!
  - submitted by Britney in Haverford
• Why was the cookie crying?
  Because its mother had been a wafer so long!
  - submitted by Daniel in Merion
• What did the limestone say to the geologist?
  Don't take me for granite!
  - submitted by Yoni in Pennsauken
• Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
  Because the Captain was on the deck!
  - submitted by Ben in New Hope
• What is the name of the fairy that never washes?
  Stinkerbell!
  - submitted by Hanna in Pottstown
• Why was the Queen's throne all wet?
  Because she's reigned for many years!
  - submitted by Patrick in Elkins Park
• How can you tell if a tree is a Dogwood Tree?
  By its bark!
  - submitted by Jesse in York
• What time is it when seven hungry lions are chasing after you?
  It's seven after one!
  - submitted by Irene in New Hope
• What is a penguin's favourite aunt?
  Ant-Arctica!
  - submitted by Phoebe in Cheltenham
• How much did the pirate pay for his hoop earrings?
  A buccaneer!
  - submitted by Sydney in Elkins Park
• What do you call a deer with no eyes?
  No Idea (no eye deer)!
  - submitted by Trevor in Quakertown
• Why was the nose sad?
  Because it didn't get picked!
  - submitted by Jennifer in Wilmington
• What does a cat say when things go well?
  PURRRR-fect!
  - submitted by Mali in Westmont
• Why don't anteaters get sick?
  Because they're full of antibodies!
  - submitted by Dave in Philadelphia
• Where do generals keep their armies?
  In their sleevies!
  - submitted by Debby in Philadelphia
• Where do horses live?
  In Neigh-borhoods!
  - submitted by Scott in Philadelphia
• What do you call someone else's cheese?
  Nacho Cheese!
  - submitted by Joseph in Philadelphia
• What state has four eyes?
  Mississippi!
  - submitted by Alayna in Glenside
• How do Santa's helpers learn to read?
  First they learn the "Elf-A-Bet"!
  - submitted by Ian in North East, MD
• What runs but never walks?
  Water!
  - submitted by Kristina in Jersey City
• Why was the mushroom always invited to parties?
  Because he was a FUNGI -- a fun guy!
  - submitted by John in Telford
• Why did the girl put sugar on her pillow before bed?
  Because she wanted to have Sweet Dreams!
  - submitted by Colleen in Woodbury
• How do you fix a chimpanzee?
  You use a monkeywrench!
  - submitted by Cormac in Titusville
• What do snowmen eat for lunch?
  Icebergers!
  - submitted by Bobby in Gibbsboro
• Why don't skeletons fight?
  Because they don't got the guts!
  - submitted by Maggie from Jersey City
• What is a lion's favorite car?
  A fer-roar-i!
  - submitted by Beatrice from Kennett Square
• What do you do if there's a fly in the room?
  Call the SWAT team!
  - submitted by Danny from Willow Grove
• How do bees get to school?
  They take the buzz!
  - submitted by Maddy from North Wilmington
• Where do french fries come from?
  Greece! (grease)
  - submitted by Sarah from Aurora, CO
• Did you hear the joke about the mosquito?
  Nevermind, it will just annoy you.
  - submitted by Ed from Yardley
• What kind of bee is born in the month of May?
  A Maybe!
  - submitted by Olivia from Douglassville
• Why do cows wear bells around their neck?
  Because their horns don't work!
  - submitted by Lenny from Philadelphia
• Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
  Because it couldn't find a "date" !
  - submitted by Owen from Philadelphia
• Why did the cookie go to the doctor
  Because he felt crummy!
  - submitted by Joey from Ridley Park
• What cat can't you trust?
  A Cheetah!
  - submitted by Damaris from West Chester
• What do you get when you cross Batman with a steamroller?
  Flatman!
  - submitted by Rebecca from Bethlehem
• What weighs 500 pounds and wears glass slippers?
  CinderElephant!
  - submitted by Christina from Audubon
• Why couldn't the 10 year old go to the pirate movie?
  Because it was rated RRRRR!
  - submitted by Kaitlin from Coatesville
• What is a fish's favorite place to visit?
  Finland!(FIN-land)
  - submitted by M.T. from Westmont
• What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  Anyone can roast beef but no one can pee soup!
  - submitted by Elizabeth from Havertown
• Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?
  To see his friend Pluto!
  - submitted by Nina from Belle Mead
• Where do dead letters go?
  To the ghost office!
  - submitted by Madalyn from Chalfont
• Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
  He wanted to win the No Bell prize.
  - submitted by Kianna from Green Bay, WI
• Which side of a dog has the most hair?
  The Outside!
  - submitted by Dale from Lebanon
• What is a teacher's favorite type of music?
  CLASSical music!
  - submitted by Evan from Lumberton
• Why should you never say something bad about corn in a cornfield?
  Because the corn have ears!
  - submitted by Johnny from Lancaster
• What did the mama ghost say to the baby ghost before heading out?
  Buckle your sheet belt!
  - submitted by Julia from Mullica Hill
• What is Bigfoot's favorite vegetable?
  Sasquash!
  - submitted by Paul from Honey Brook
• What kind of cereal do cats like?
  Mice Krispies!
  - submitted by Katie from Hilltop
• Why doesn't a pine tree knit very well?
  Because they're always dropping their needles!
  - submitted by Danny from Willow Grove
• Why is Cinderella such a good outfielder?
  Because she always gets to the ball.
  - submitted by Ed from Yardley